The following is a transcript for the episode "Pulp Friction".

Script

The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Viacom International Inc. (a wholly owned subsidiary of Paramount Skydance Corporation), and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use under United States copyright law.

[The episode opens up on a city at night. In a warehouse, Lincoln as Ace Savvy and Clyde as One-Eyed Jack are hanging above a shark tank with the shark leaping up, trying to devour them.]
Wild Card Willy: [laughing evilly] "Game over, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack!"
Ace Savvy: "Think again, Wild Card Willy! I've got a few more cards up my sleeve!"
[Ace drops a handful of cards on the ground with his sisters. Just then, a horn blares and the van comes in with Lori's persona at the wheel.]
The High Card: "Alright, girls, [lifts up her mask] let's deal with these losers!"
THE HIGH CARD
[The van opens up revealing the rest of the girls in their Ace Savvy personae.]
Wild Card Willy: "Eep!" [hides behind one of his henchmen.] "Get them!"
[The girls leap into action with Lily and Lola's personae starting the fight off.]
Henchman #1: [to his partner] "You take the baby, I'll take the princess."
The Queen of Diamonds: "Excuse you. I am the queen." [She flicks her hair as her tiara sparkles.]
THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
[The Queen tosses her diamond tiara and knocks out Henchman #2. Henchman #1 comes charging at them as Lily holds up some stinky diapers.]
THE DEUCE
[The Deuce tosses her diapers that act as stink bombs and nails the other goon. Luna's persona turns up the volume.]
The Night Club: "Get ready to do the Bad Guy Shuffle!"
THE NIGHT CLUB
[The Night Club blares her guitar at the minions and knocks them into a hole dug up by Lucy's persona.]
The Eight of Spades: "No aces in this hole."
THE EIGHT OF SPADES
[Lynn's persona charges via comic panels into the goons with a headbutt.]
The Strong Suit: "52 Pickup!"
THE STRONG SUIT
[One of the goons lands on a pile of other defeated minions with Lisa's persona keeping an accurate count.]
The Card Counter: "Or more precisely, six." [smashes another henchman's face with her calculator.] "Make that seven."
THE CARD COUNTER
[As Ace and Jack draw closer to the tank, they notice Leni's persona.]
The Eleven of Hearts: "Hey, guys, check out my new outfit. It's perfect for fall weather and springing into action!" [uses the sash on her outfit as a utility rope, swings over the tank and saves Ace and Jack.] "Ugh, these belts are so 90's!" [pulls their chains off and sets them free, she drops them.]
THE ELEVEN OF HEARTS
[Wild Card Willy makes for the exit.]
Ace: "Wild Card's getting away!"
[Lana's persona is working on the shark tank.]
The Royal Flush: "Hey, Willy, go fish!" [loosens the bolt on the pipe.]
THE ROYAL FLUSH
[The tank comes loose with the water and sharks coming out; Wild Card evades it but gets knocked back by a jack-in-the-box style weapon set up by Luan's persona.]
The Joker: "I see your bet and raise you!" [laughs]
THE JOKER
[Ace and Jack beat and tie up Wild Card Willy.]
Ace: "Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards?"
Willy: "'Cause that's the only way to clean up. So, I guess it's off to jail for me."
[It then shows Willy in a jail cell with a caption reading END in the lower right corner and it was a comic Lincoln and Clyde made, they were showing it to Liam, Girl Jordan, and Rusty.]
Lincoln and Clyde: "The end."
Liam and Girl Jordan: "Awesome!"
Rusty: "That was sick. Where'd you get the idea for all those butt-kicking super ladies?"
Lincoln: "From my sisters. They've always got my back. [perturbed] Except for Lola. You never turn your back on Lola."
Liam: "So, if you fellas win the contest, they'll make this here into a real Ace Savvy comic?"
Clyde: "And we'll get to meet the creator, Bill Buck!" [holds out a photo of said creator.]
Heavenly voice: "Bill Buck~..."
Girl Jordan: "Well, I think your comic's totally gonna win."
Liam: "Darn tootin'."
Rusty: "Word."
[At that moment, Principal Huggins grabs the comic book away from them.]
Principal Huggins: "Loud, McBride, school time is meant for learning, not for doodling degenerate fantasies! This trash belongs to me now!"
Lincoln: "But Principal Huggins, you can't take our comic!"
Principal Huggins: "Oh, and now you're giving me sass? That's detention! Today! Till 5:00!"
Clyde: "But we have to get to the post office by 4:00. That's the contest deadline."
Principal Huggins: [sarcastically] "Oh, I didn't realize. I'll just give it back to you. [serious] NOT!"

[Detention]
Principal Huggins: "I've got just the thing to keep those doodling hands of yours busy: cleaning erasers." [gives them the erasers and leaves.]
Lincoln: [throws the erasers aside.] "But we're not criminals. All we did was make a comic. And we're getting it back." [tries to open the door but can't.] "Dang it. He locked us in from the outside."
[Lincoln tries to get out via the window, but Huggins stops him by welding it shut. He snarls while Lincoln starts cleaning the erasers nervously.]
Lincoln:[throws the erasers away again.] "Okay, Plan B. We'll sharpen a bunch of pencils and dig our way out."
[Just then, the door opens to show it's Lola.]
Lola: [twirling her tiara] "Or I could just pick the lock." [puts the tiara back on.] "Not that your idea wasn't great."
Lincoln: "Lola? Why are you busting us out?"
[Lana appears]
Lana: "'Cause we heard about Huggins confiscating your comic book."
Lola: "The one starring me as Queen of Diamonds!"
Lana: "And me as the Royal Flush!"
Lola: "You think we're gonna let some power-tripping principal take away our chance to get famous?"
Lincoln: "Sweet! Now we just gotta find a way to sneak into Huggins' office and get our comic back."
Clyde: "Maybe we could use your pencils."
Lana: "Forget that." [brings in janitorial equipment] "Hop on!"
Clyde: [defeated] "I tried, buddy."
[They get into the waste bins with Lana pushing them toward Huggins' office while he's doing his work.]
Clyde: "We gotta find a way to get Huggins out of his office."
Lana: "It's taken care of."
[Principal Huggins' secretary Cheryl comes running by.]
Cheryl: "Principal Huggins! Principal Huggins! We have got a situation in the gym!"
[In the gym, Coach Pacowski is being chased by bats summoned by Lucy in the rafters with her arm sticking out with three bats on it.]
Principal Huggins: [heading for the gym] "I'm on it!"
[Cheryl goes to her desk.]
Lincoln: "Now we have to distract Cheryl."
Lola: "It's taken care of."
[Lisa is at Cheryl's desk.]
Lisa: "Hello, Cheryl. I took the liberty of assessing the school budget, and encountered numerous instances of wasteful spending."
Cheryl: "Oh, that's very cute, sweetie, but I'm sure everything here is in order."
[Lisa places a ton of files of such spending on Cheryl's desk.]
Lisa: "Item one: the two dozen fresh cut roses you sent yourself on Secretary's Day. Put on a pot of coffee, sweetie. We're gonna be here a while."
[While she has Cheryl distracted, Lincoln and Clyde sneak into Huggins' office searching every nook and cranny for their comic.]
Lincoln: "Come on. Come on. Where is it?"
Clyde: [pointing] "There!"
[They find it in his satchel, but before they can grab it...]
Principal Huggins: [unaware that Lisa took Cheryl's place.] "Problem solved, Cheryl. We got rid of the bats, and Coach is resting comfortably after his rabies shot." [grabs his coat which Lincoln was hiding under as he grabs his trench coat to hide in.] "I'm headed home for the day." [gets a file from Clyde's arm while he's not looking.] "You can let Loud and McBride out of detention at 5:00, but only if the erasers are clean." [takes his satchel and leaves]
[Lincoln sees the satchel is gone and gasps.]
Lincoln: "Oh no! Huggins just took our comic home with him!"
Clyde: "And worse: we didn't finish cleaning the erasers!" [holds out the erasers]

[The kids burst out the door and see Huggins leaving on his golf cart.]
Lincoln: "There goes Huggins! How are we gonna catch up to him?"
Lana: "It's taken care of."
[Vanzilla drives up and they all hop in.]
Lori: "Lincoln, where have you been? The post office closes in 30 minutes!"
Lincoln: "Change of plans. Principal Huggins has the comic. Follow that golf cart, High Card!"
Luna: "Let's rock, dudes!"
[Luna starts playing some action music on her guitar and Lori, with determination in her eyes, chases after Principal Huggins.]
Principal Huggins: [singing along] "♫Ooh, girl! / If I could / Ooh, girl!♫"
Lynn: [holding a boomerang out the window] "I got eyes on the comic!"
[She tosses the boomerang, but Huggins hits a pothole and the boomerang misses.]
Principal Huggins: "Yeesh!"
[The boomerang instead picks up a raccoon.]
Lynn: [ducks down] "RACCOON!"
[The raccoon lands in Vanzilla and attacks the Loud kids and Clyde for a little turbulence. Principal Huggins comes to a stop at an intersection, sees it's clear and goes. Vanzilla comes to a stop because Scoots is passing the crosswalk and taking a little too long. Lori honks the horn.]
Lola: [impatient] "MOVE IT, LADY!"
Scoots: [sarcastically] "Oh, am I going too slow for you?" [sets her scooter in slow reverse.]
Lori: "Guys, we're literally losing him!"
Luan: "Don't worry. He won't give us the slip!" [grabs Lola's banana and Lana's slingshot and fires the banana ahead of Huggins.]
Principal Huggins: [still singing] "♫Ooh, girl / Doo-doo-doo♫" [hits the banana peel and loses control.] "Whoa!"
[As he tries to regain control, the comic falls out of his satchel and Lincoln and Clyde get it back.]
Clyde: [checking his watch] "We still have five minutes to get it to the post office."
[They get back in Vanzilla.]
Lincoln: "Let's roll."
Luna: "And rock!"
[But before she can get into the music, the van doesn't start.]
Luna: "Dudes, I can't play action music if there's no action."
[Lori and Lana check the engine, it's completely damaged.]
Lana: "Bad news, guys. We pushed Vanzilla too hard."
Lincoln and Clyde: [aghast] "NOOOOOO!!!"
Leni: "Hey, guys! Check out the new look!" [sporting a sash like The Eleven of Hearts'.]
Lynn: "Leni, this isn't the time to talk about fashion!"
[Leni takes off the sash and reveals that she's using it to tie Vanzilla to a passing pickup truck to tow them to the post office.]
Lucy: "I never thought I'd say this, but... [kind] good thinking, Leni."
Leni: "I got the idea from Lincoln's coloring book."
[They arrive at the post office just in time.]
Lincoln: [to the pickup truck driver] "Thanks for the tow!"
[It reveals to have been a pig driving and his farmer in the passenger seat giving a thumbs up.]
Lola: "Just hurry up and make us famous!"
[Lincoln pulls out his cards like Ace. He and Clyde enter the post office and run up to the mailing window.]
Lincoln: [at the same time as someone else.] "This needs to be mailed by four o'clock!"
[Lincoln and Clyde turn around and find out that the other person is Principal Huggins.]
Lincoln and Principal Huggins: [shocked] "What are you doing here?!"
[Principal Huggins drops something in his state of surprise.]
Lincoln: [pointing at it] "Is that a comic book?"
Principal Huggins: "A what? No! I mean, shouldn't you boys be in detention?"
[Lincoln picks it up.]
Clyde: "It is a comic book! The Adventures of Ace Savvy and the Principal Valiant by Wilbur T. Huggins."
Lincoln: [gasps] "You're entering the Ace Savvy contest?"
Clyde: "And your name is Wilbur?"
Principal Huggins: [pointing the other way] "Look! New commemorative stamps!"
[When the boys have their backs turn, Wilbur grabs his comic and runs only to bump into Scoots and pratfall.]
Lincoln: "So, that's why you confiscated our comic book and put us in detention: to knock us out of the running!"
Principal Huggins: "Okay, okay, I did it. But I had to. When I heard how great your comic was, I knew mine wouldn't stand a chance."
Clyde: "But, sir, why is a comic book contest so important to you? You're a successful school administrator. You've got your own golf cart."
Principal Huggins: "Yes, it's true. I have it all. But it wasn't always this way."
[Flashback to Huggins' childhood]
Principal Huggins: [narrating] "When I was your age, I didn't have a lot of friends. But I had Ace."
Young Wilbur: [reading his comic] "Yeah, get 'em, Ace! Way to deal out some justice!"
[The other kids playing baseball hit the ball through his comic book and laugh at him.]
Batter: "Look at him!"
[End flashback]
Principal Huggins: "Those comics meant the world to me. I wanted to win the contest so I could meet Bill Buck and thank him for getting me through a lonely childhood. But I went too far. I'm sorry, boys. You deserve to win, not me. As Ace Savvy would say, deal me out." [takes his comic and leaves forlornly.]
Clyde: "Wow. I guess there's more to Huggins than meets the eye."
Lincoln: "Yeah. And his story just gave me an idea."
[Principal Huggins hops in his golf cart for home.]
Lincoln and Clyde: "Principal Huggins, wait!"
Principal Huggins: "Oh, yes. Of course. You'll need my administrator ID to report me to the school board."
Lincoln: "No. We're not reporting anyone. Clyde and I get it. Ace has gotten us through some tough times, too."
Clyde: "Yeah. Like when Lori first got together with Bobby. It was a rainy Tuesday. I wore suede shoes. That was a mistake."
Lincoln: "I think he gets the idea, Clyde." [to Principal Huggins] "And we're not mad, because you just gave us a much better ending for our comic."
Principal Huggins: "I did?"
Clyde: "You did." [checks his watch] "But we gotta hurry. We only have a minute."
Principal Huggins: "I think I can buy you a few minutes."
[Back in the post office, Wilbur walks up toward the mailing window where the lady there pulls the curtain down.]
Lee: "I'm sorry, sir. We're closing." [Wilbur pulls it back up.] "Ooh."
Principal Huggins: [smoothly] "Hello, Mrs..." [reads her name tag] ...Lee, is it? I believe your son Wyatt attends my school. How would he like a little..." [nudges eyebrows] "...extra recess? Maybe a get-out-of-gym pass?"
[He holds up the pass and Lee likes where he's going; he gives the thumbs up, giving the boys time to change the ending to their comic.]

[Return to the comic with the new ending.]
Ace: "Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards?" [takes off his handkerchief.]
Willy: [downtrodden] "I'm not an evil guy. I was just dealt a bad hand. As a lonely kid, the only game I knew was Solitaire. So, I guess it's off to jail for me."
Ace: "I have a better idea."
[Cut to a heist having been pulled by Scoots' Ace Savvy villain persona.]
Jack: "The Old Maid's making off with the jackpot!"
Old Maid: "You'll never catch me, Savvy!" [laughs]
Ace: "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, 'cause we've got a new card to play."
[Willy appears by Ace and Jack.]
Willy: "Time to deal out some justice!"
WILD CARD WILLY
[The comic stops with Bill Buck reading it in his studio.]
Bill: "I love the ending! Especially when we learn Wild Card was a lonely kid. I read a lot of entries with great action sequences, but none with this kind of heart."
Lincoln: "It was inspired by our principal here. He really wanted to meet you."
Principal Huggins: [speechless] "Sir, it is an honor. I just never-ah, this is the best day of my-" [passes out from the excitement]
[Lincoln and Clyde just shrug it off; enter Lincoln's sisters.]
Lola: "Hey, what did you think of the Queen of Diamonds? Wasn't she your favorite part? Here! Let me show you some of my ideas for an action figure and a bed sheet set."
[The rest of the kids gather around Bill and talk to him about the comic.]
Bill: "Whoa! This is kind of a...full house!"